The Cure for Crappy Cannabis Curing

Many cannabis growers rush their crops to market like a teenage boy suffering from intractable premature ejaculation. The results are what you’d expect; gangly, spindly, low-trichome-count, too wet to roll, odd-smelling bullshit amateur-hour weed. Curing is critical; a bad cure can ruin an otherwise flawless crop, and a good cure can save a lesser crop. But in most cases cannabis curing is rushed due to laziness and, perhaps even more so, financial impatience. There’s just one cure for crappy cannabis curing, and that’s for growers and their financial backers to have just an ounce of fucking patience. Continue reading The Cure for Crappy Cannabis Curing

Your Marijuana Strain Name Sucks

Patient: Doctor, I’ve been on every epileptic medication on the market but still have seizures. What can be done to help me?

Doctor: Let’s get you on some Durban Poison right away, I’ll write the script and you can –

Patient [interrupts]: Poison? That doesn’t sound good.

Doctor: It’s not really poison, it’s just called that. Durban Poison; it’s a variety of cannabis.

Patient: Oh. Why is it called poison? Because cannabis is dangerous? Continue reading Your Marijuana Strain Name Sucks

Why I Judge Cannabis Competition Judging

Imagine sampling 45 different strains of marijuana in just a few hours. Most people – even veteran cannabis users – won’t be able to do much critical thinking after the first 7-8 strains. 20 strains in and even the toughest stoner will be in a coma, incapable of evaluating anything but the back of their eyelids. Continue reading Why I Judge Cannabis Competition Judging

Do You Want Cannabis Advice or Just Praise?

I check your weed out under microscope and tell you that it’s full of mites and caterpillar shit. You act surprised and soooo concerned, but after I leave, you don’t remove any product from your shelves. You sell that fucking rubbish anyway, which leaves me to believe that you’re not looking for advice, you’re just looking for praise. You’re not going to find it here. Continue reading Do You Want Cannabis Advice or Just Praise?

Who am I to Call Anyone Out on Anything?

The cannabis industry is growing so explosively that it’s virtually out of control.  Some of you cowboys think this is the Wild, Wild West, and you need to be knocked down from your high horses before you ruin what the rest of us have risked everything for.  From deliberately selling moldy weed to fraudulent cannabis competition awards to cannabis cancer cure scams, there’s no shortage of douchebaggery happening in our industry.  I’m sick of it, and I know a lot of other professionals that are too.  It’s time to go on the offensive, and that’s what this blog is about. Continue reading Who am I to Call Anyone Out on Anything?